WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?
Codependency is a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress. Alcoholism, chemical dependency, chronic illness of a family member, or a death in the family can all be sources of this family pain.
Once learned, these behaviors are automatically passed on from generation to generation. In other words, the original alcoholic/drug dependent could have been a greatgrandfather. Although no one else for two or three generations will actually become an alcoholic or drug addict, most family members within those generations will learn to use a set of behaviors which help them deal with the emotional pain and stress inherited from the original family in distress and which continue to create emotional pain and stresseven to the present time. These behaviors are selfdefeating and known as codependency and dependency disorders.
Some of these codependency or dependency disorders are:
Perfectionism, workaholism, procrastination, compulsive overeating, compulsive gambling, compulsive shopping, compulsive lying, compulsive talking, overpossessiveness in relationships or dependent relationships. Others include obsessions with acquiring status, prestige and material possessions, or power and control, to the extent that one's behavior causes problems in social interactions with family members, coworkers, friends, authority figures, or others.
Many persons suffering from codependency disorders feel victimized and caught up in a treadmill existence so that no matter what goals are achieved or not there is still a driven compulsion for more, and an anxious feeling of incompleteness or emptiness remains no matter what is accomplished. Serious health problems can also exist such as migraine headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, colitis, ulcers, highblood pressure, and many other highstress related physical illnesses. Emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, insomnia and hyperactivity are also evident in many codependents.
Most of us who are codependent have been searching for ways to overcome the dilemmas of the conflicts in our lives, especially the conflicts in our childhoods and in our relationships. Many of us were raised in families where addictions existed. Some of us were not. In either case, we have found in each of our lives that codependency is a most deeply rooted compulsive behavior and that it is born out of our sometimes moderately, sometimes extremely dysfunctional family systems.
Codependents have each experienced the painful trauma of the emptiness of our childhoods and our relationships throughout our lives. We attempted to use othersour mates, our friends and even our childrenas our sole source of identity, value and happiness. This obsessive preoccupation with the thoughts, wants and needs of others keeps us from caring for our own emotional and physical wellbeing.
Are you codependent? If you have recognized yourself or your pain in this explanation, you are in the right place!