CHILDREN OF DYSFUNCTIONAL HOMES (ACOA)

THE CHARACTERISTICS WE SEEM TO HAVE IN COMMON DUE TO HAVING BEEN BROUGHT UP IN AN ALCOHOLIC HOUSEHOLD:

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.

4. We either become alcoholics, marry them­or both­or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our need for abandonment.

5. We live life from the viewpoint of helping and seeking victims, and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look closely at our faults, etc.

7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves, instead we give in to others.

8. We become addicted to excitement.

9. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and rescue."

10. We have stuffed back our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings, because it hurts so much (denial).

11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self­esteem, sometimes compensated for by trying to appear superior.

12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience the pain of abandonment. We are conditioned to these types of relationships.

13. Alcoholism is a family disease, and we became para­alcoholics. We took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

14. As Para­alcoholics we are reactors rather than actors.