RECOVERY HINTS & REMINDERS
1. Take one thing at a time. Recovery is an ongoing process that begins by taking care of first things first. If you are an alcoholic, a bulimic, an anorexic, a workaholic, a gambling addict, an overeater, or a relationship addict, get help to take care of that issue first.
2. No one recovers alone from codependency. If you have no support system, take steps to seek one out. Find a counselor, a therapy group or a selfhelp program to help you to find your way out of dependency and codependency.
3. Stay with your newfound support system. Don't hesitate to call on them for help.
4. Focus on building trust in others' ability to help you. This is essential to facing the many risks of change. Trust them and you will begin to trust in yourself.
5. Move at a pace comfortable for you. You don't have to do everything at once. Recovery does not happen like a lightning bolt.
6. You have the right to say "no." If it feels like the wrong thing to do, don't do it. This is YOUR recovery, not someone else's.
7. Put yourself first on the list of people to consider in the process of change. This is not license to ignore the needs of others, just a reminder to be considerate to yourself.
8. Change often makes others react with hurt, fear, anger and resentment. You are part of a system and when you change, it puts strain on the system; others feel the stress. Remember to be responsible to yourself first and others second. You can care about them without having to take care of them. Children may be the greatest challenge for you in this respect.
9. Take time to celebrate your successes, no matter how small.
10. Put more energy into loving yourself than in trying to love others. This is at the heart of learning to love others in a healthy way.
11. Your feelings are okay; your REACTION to your feelings may not be. Try to learn the difference.
12. No one recovers perfectly. Healthy systems of support allow for mistakes.
13. Never take more than 50 percent of the responsibility in any relationship with any adult.
14. Try to avoid focusing on the problems of others and try to avoid solving their problems for them. Don't waste time taking their inventories, mulling over their moral lapses and making tallies of their undesirable traits.
15. When you don't know the answer to something, admit it. When you want to know the answer, if there is one, ask someone who does know. AND WHEN YOU NEED HELP, ASK FOR IT.
16. Don't assume that others understand or care about what you want or need.
17. Remember to take time to rest and play.
18. Eat when you feel hungry, and sleep when you feel tired.
19. Share your feelings and problems in a safe place. Grieve your losses, but don't grieve interminably; don't become defined by your grief and dependent upon it. And be as understanding with yourself as you are with others.
20. Be true to yourself, above all, and remember, WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU WILL BE.
from Lost in the Shuffle by Robert Subby, Health Communications,
Inc. 1987, Chapter 17.