THE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP
from the writings of Arthur L. Kovacs
There exists a very rare, fragile, human relationship which can be called "intimacy." The parties to an intimate relationship regard one another as human beings, and not as objects. They are interested in and derive pleasure from a progressive exposure of themselves to each other.
They are knowledgeable (and are seeking further knowledge) about each other's fears, symptoms, quirks, nastinesses, and foibles. For these they each have compassion not condescending sympathy but compassion. They also seek greater participation in each other's skills, sensitivities, achievements, wisdom, strength, and virtues. These, they value.
But even more importantly, each party to the intimate relationship cherishes the other as an entire person, as a flawed yet somehow infinitely valuable life unfolding. In an intimate relationship, people are concerned with and reflect about that relationship; its content, its quality, its gratifications, and its frustrations.
The reflections are discussed and listened to with a minimum of distortion and/or defensive sparring. Intimate communication stirs and is tinged with affect and imagery. Dreams and daydreams, hatred and love, anger and tenderness are the stuff of intimacy.
Intimacy is alive, vivid, responsive, open, spontaneous, nondefensive, and not overburdened by rules. Intimacy is something which seems to terrify us. We struggle to achieve it, only to experience mounting anxiety which leads to flight from it. Existence is a cyclical ebb and flow of intimacy and detachment.
When the balance between these two positions becomes unfavorable in our lives, our existences are lonely and starved. This pain alone goads us to search for something more.