IMPROVING COMMUNICATION
DYSFUNCTIONAL COMMUNICATIONS STYLES:
1. TALK AT, NOT TO A PERSON.
2. TALK ABOUT, NOT TO PEOPLE.
3. DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.
4. SEND MESSAGES THROUGH A THIRD PERSON.
5. KEEP SECRETS RATHER THAN BE OPEN.
6. SAY ONE THING, BUT ACT DIFFERENTLY. . .CONFUSE YOUR LISTENER/TARGET.
7. DON'T ANSWER DIRECTLY OR MAKE AN INADEQUATE EXPLANATION.
8. COMMUNICATE PASSIVELY:
HINT, GLARE, BE TARDY, POUT, SIGH, BE FORGETFUL. BE SURE TO DENY ANYTHING IS WRONG WHEN ASKED. DON'T TALK.
9. ASSUME THE OTHER PERSON WILL READ ONE'S MIND AND TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR VERBALLY INFORMING THAT PERSON.
10. ACT OUT: SLAM, THROW, PICK A FIGHT "If you loved me, you would. . ."
GUIDELINES FOR FUNCTIONAL COMMUNICATIONS:
1. TALK TO THE PERSON. . .LISTEN CAREFULLY.
2. USE DIRECT EYE CONTACT.
3. BE OPEN.
4. ANSWER QUESTIONS DIRECTLY AND GIVE EXPLANATIONS.
5. SAY WHAT YOU FEEL RATHER THAN ACTING IT OUT.
6. SHARE YOUR FEELINGS RATHER THAN GIVE "SHOULD" MESSAGES.
USE "I feel. . ." statements.
A. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
B. REMEMBER A REQUEST IS NOT A DEMAND.
*from "Healing for ACoA: How to Break from the Past and Grow Emotionally & Spiritually" by Sarah Hines Martin, Bantam Books (Oct. 89), pp. 6071.