| HEALTHY FAMILY: | TROUBLED FAMILY: | ADDICTIVE FAMILY: |
|---|---|---|
| Family open to change. Members are free to be who they are. | Members must conform to certain roles to be accepted. | Family is rigid, fixed. Black/white thinking. Only right and wrong. |
| Each has high self worth. Each is a valuable person. | Shaky self worth. Approvalseeking to validate worth. | Low/no selfworth.Evasive responses/lies. BLAME rather than ownership. |
| Functional Defenses: Members feel freeto admit error and mistake. Traumas are resolved. | Fault based defenses: Use defenses to hide pain. Defenses to deny real feelings: Always smiling/complaining/ crying, etc. | DON'T FEEL: There are no choices.React compulsively and rigidly out f fear. Feelings must be masked for safety. No resolution of trauma, ever. |
| Clear rules which are discussed. Respect for time, boundaries. | Rules inconsistent or unclear. Rules change depending on who is asked and what time of day it is. Boundaries are violated. | Family lives by EDICTor with no rules at all. Normal household runs by crisis, chaos & confusion. No boundaries allowed. |
| Members take risks and express feelings,ideas & beliefs. | It is not safe to express feelings or give opinions. "Don't Rock the Boat" | DON'T TALK, DON'T TRUST: Deny all problems. Family ignores bizarre behavior: Especially substance and and alcohol abuse. |
| Family can deal with stress. Pain is felt and resolved. Much nurturing & caring. | Members avoid feeling pain and do not validate other's feelings. | Family denies stresses. Pain is never resolved. No one can cope with the family problems. |
| Family accepts life and welcomes change--celebrates, independence, growth, sexuality, etc. - growth is accepted | Change is feared. Parents may compete with kidsSex is not discussed. | NO GROWTH occurs. change is so frightening, that adults act like children,and the real children perform adult functions like cooking. |
| Parents relate by a clear hierarchy or as equal partners. Negotiate change and problemsolving.Children feel secure. | There is a shifting pattern of domination between parents, and little communication. Hidden coalitions exist between members. | Children may run family;or where the "spousing"of a child, rather than other parent, occurs, adults may sexually abuse children to meet own sexual needs. |
| There is direct expression of feelings. All feelings are O.K. Anger is allowed. There is consideration of others' feelings. | There is much negativism, bickering, criticism, judgmentalism, sarcasm. Only some feelings are acceptableanger is not. | Membersare openly hostile, cynical and sadistic.Each manipulates &hurts others. "Hurts" canbe emotional or physical. |