CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSED PERSONS

  1. Low self worth­­We cannot be around abuse and negativity and not be affected by it.

  2. We can't set limits/boundaries in all areas of life; friendships, parenting, marriage, work, etc. Children who were not taught or permitted to have boundaries (e.g. sexual) will find themselves being victimized repeatedly because they don't see it (more victimization) coming.

  3. Fear is our dominant emotion, motivating every action and decision. We think of how others will be affected by our choices before thinking of our own needs.

  4. Phobias may result.

  5. We have a compulsive need for intimacy­­Like starving children, we crave love and intimacy, having no idea hat it really is. We often mistake intimacy for sexual excitement, and so become disillusioned. We then either move on compulsively or stay (oft times in an painful and unacceptable relationship) to make it happen.

  6. We are under­reactors to major abuses and over­reactors to trivia. We ignore such things as verbal abuse, adultery, emotional or physical deprivation, abuse of our children, etc., but rage over spilled milk or someone late for dinner.

  7. We think in extremes­­We dream about a better life, but we cannot make decisions about how to improve things now. When we are in conflict, we cannot conceive of alternatives.

  8. Abused persons are PASSIVE­­Most victims take little or no action, despite constant threats to do extreme things. We fight in our heads but say nothing to those we are angry with.

  9. We blame ourselves for the abuse and feel guilt­­Regardless of the extent or nature of the abuse, victims blame themselves for the things others have done to them.

  10. Abused persons have physical illnesses and addictions­­Years of repressed anger cause stress­related illness. Victim/martyrs do not take care of their health, it's out of character. Illness serves a purpose for victims. It may be the only way we get rest, attention, or make others aware of our inside pain.

  11. Abused persons have a loss of spirituality, purpose for living, loss of values, etc. Built­up shame leaves victims doubting their worthiness of even their higher power's (God's) love.

  12. Victims become abusers of others, even of those they love.

Source Anonymous
Last Revised -- Monday, November 11, 1996 10:26:20 PM
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